more from jake & julian

mixed media / paper & mASK

houses in a forest / mixed media / paper

mixed media / cardboard

on the way to jake's

Pictures of Jake & Julian Art Prjct / Studio

Great Annihilator / mixed media / canvas

cyberpunkhwys / mixed media / canvas

of the studio

David Choe is fucking AWSME. Perry and Lynn showed him to me a while back. He has a documentary coming out.

i really like looking through party / tour pictures? these are older ratatat tour pictures but i like interspersed with the photos there are pictures of one of the guys graph notebooks and he does some really interesting collages that i like.

currently watching

ratatat video mirando from lp3 album. pieced together clips from predator

go give one word a try. 

art rebels

great website. especially the entrance with all the russian dolls. they have some cool apparel amongst a hoard of everything else. it is a collective. 

Birthday / mixed media / canvas

chameleonTiger / mixed media / canvas

Sentry crows

rough / fierce

feathers BLACK!

strongest 

searching

mounds along

/of glass / beads / snails / worms /

TREASURE

And

Prisoner Seagulls.

Interview

The following is an interview with Edris Mohsin. It is applicable toward the individual in a myriad of ways. The interview is full of fascination / ideas / abstraction. I highly recommend reading.

5:07
Julian LaBounty
do you use your pool a lot in the summer?
5:07
King Rice04
no
i didn't use it at all last summer
5:08
Julian LaBounty
do you feel that in las vegas most people with pools use them far less than they expected
5:08
King Rice04
well it depends i used my last pool a good amount and the previous pool every day when i was a kid.
i used it so much that the cool decking made my feet bleed.
5:09
Julian LaBounty
what did that look like as a kid
5:09
King Rice04
what did what look like?
5:09
Julian LaBounty
bleeding pool decking
5:09
King Rice04
its not like gushing blood.
it was just like having raw feet with occasional blood.
5:10
Julian LaBounty
do you feel like children, with their innocence, enjoy pools more than an un innocent adult
and do you feel that pools require imagination to use
5:10
King Rice04
yeah.
5:10
Julian LaBounty
or not to use but to have fun in
5:10
King Rice04
i made up games when i was a kid.
5:10
Julian LaBounty
yeah
5:10
King Rice04
now i just dick around in the water.
5:10
Julian LaBounty
a pool is a summer sandbox?
5:11
King Rice04
i suppose
5:11
Julian LaBounty
did you like sandboxes?
5:11
King Rice04
not really i didnt go to a lot of parks
there were no parks by my neighborhood.
5:11
Julian LaBounty
do you enjoy the idea of children?
5:11
King Rice04
not really
5:12
Julian LaBounty
do you feel most people do?
5:12
King Rice04
yeah
they long for more innocent days
5:12
Julian LaBounty
do you find that sort of past-desire, marked with inevitable failure?
5:13
King Rice04
no i think its more of a nostalgic feeling.
5:13
Julian LaBounty
do you find nostalgia pointless. in essence its reliving a feeling and not much else. and nostalgia is fleeting
5:14
King Rice04
yeah like when your looking far so back in your life there is nothing that you can learn from that. so you're looking back for no reason other than to have warm and fuzzy feelings.
i think its like a coping mechanism
5:15
Julian LaBounty
do you feel that its justified for having a higher price value on a home that has a pool. regardless of actual cost but what the pool brings as an object, as a function?
5:16
King Rice04
it brings the potential for enjoyment.
i suppose you can go to a public pool but you can do the same types of things.
i dont use my pool but every year my family has at least one outing where my pool is the focal point
my cousins dont have pools so they always want to go swimming.
but again they're kids
5:17
Julian LaBounty
do you feel you have an ability to appreciate (the idea) beyond yourself
5:18
King Rice04
i suppose.
i think of them as an aestethic.
aesthetic*
pools can be a nice focal point to a back yard.
but then again so can gardens.
i dont think that its especially fair that a garden doesn't have a high fiscal value compared to pools.
5:20
Julian LaBounty
so you would say that a 'nice' garden can be appreciated just as much as a pool
5:20
King Rice04
well a nice garden can be used year around. while a pool has a very limited window of enjoyment
5:20
Julian LaBounty
agreed
do you find that things like gardens, pools, patios, exotic rooms, and all the myriad of interesting spaces there can be, involve a level of abstraction to be enjoyed?
5:21
King Rice04
well i think its kind of a distraction from the ho hum droll of normal society.
you go to metropolitan areas most people dont have pools, gardens, patios, or what have you.
most suburbanites use them to distract their mediocrity of life.
5:22
Julian LaBounty
haha
do you think an actual city can work in the same way that a pool or a garden can, in terms of a unique thing to occupy the mind beyond everyday?
5:23
King Rice04
yeah
5:24
Julian LaBounty
do you find that las vegas because of its implied nature. that of entertainment for people who come to visit rather than people who live here, is in great deficit, and because of this, it has a negative impact on its local populace, who must suffer for the flat / surface / joy / sin / of others
do you feel that the city is in effect dismissing its own inhabitants because its inception is not based on its own people, its existence is predicated on outsiders
5:26
King Rice04
yeah, the latter. all the entertaining things to do in vegas are directed toward the tourist.
take for example shows.
here we have huge lavish shows aimed directly at tourist. in new york there are definitely shows aimed at tourist yet there are shows aimed at locals as well.
off broadway.
5:27
Julian LaBounty
yeah
the nature of a city like new york
is far different
from that of our city
5:28
King Rice04
yeah
5:28
Julian LaBounty
even los angeles reflects upon itself and its own industries
las vegas reflects upon 'another' desire
5:28
King Rice04
yeah our existence is predicted on tourism
5:28
Julian LaBounty
do you find the concept of tourism, 'dirty'
5:28
King Rice04
how so?
5:28
Julian LaBounty
would you associate the word
in any way
maybe as a negative
tourism usually kills locality and uniqueness wherever it goes
5:29
King Rice04
yeah thats true but in vegas i dont think that is a bad thing. there is no uniqueness in las vegas. vegas is an americana interpretation of the world.
5:29
Julian LaBounty
ah
tourism exists differently in vegas because it was created soley for tourism
or its existence
other places have it
but thats not the essence
of the place like here in vegas
5:30
King Rice04
yeah
i think that tourism is ruining places where it is not the basis of the economy.
like frisco.
the embarcadero was redesign in the last 15 years to bring tourism.
5:33
Julian LaBounty
ah
do you find the idea of a 'soul' as an abstraction towards substance and meaning, not as religious, important?
5:34
King Rice04
i go out of my way to not use soul.
it still has a religious connotation in my mind
5:34
Julian LaBounty
thats fine, then use the idea
5:35
King Rice04
i think something have an essense to them. a uniqueness about them
but i dont think that its predetermined or anything; rather, i think it is instilled from upbringing or the way something is raised.
or created
like seeing the soul of a piece of wood and turning into a table is bullshit.
did i answer that accordingly?
5:37
Julian LaBounty
i enjoyed your answer
however
i wanted more to know
whether you find it important
for a thing to have an essence
5:37
King Rice04
oh
5:37
Julian LaBounty
and also, if you would hold something higher than a non-essence thing
5:38
King Rice04
no i dont think that having a "soul" is important, like when i think of someones soul they are very limited with very little ability to adapt and change.
so i dont hold it in a high regard.
5:39
Julian LaBounty
you would say then that an essence
implies
a rigidity
and inability to adapt and change
?
5:39
King Rice04
yeah i think it implies rigidity.
when you think of an essense.
5:39
Julian LaBounty
i think i enjoy that sort of concept
however
i dont want to demean an essence
i would like to discover
a way
to find both 'good' ?
5:40
King Rice04
its you applying to another object so in your mindset you've already set a rigid set of rules for it.
5:40
Julian LaBounty
ah
if you were given a billion dollars right now how would that make you feel
your instant reaction
5:41
King Rice04
crazy joy.
and confusion
5:41
Julian LaBounty
i have enjoyed talking to you about these things. may i post this interview
in my sunriseroom
5:41
King Rice04
yeah man its fine.
5:41
Julian LaBounty
do you mind
thanks
5:42
King Rice04
no problem.

HowL / acrylic / 5 canvas panels

These are five panels I did for my cousin Greta and her fiancee Denny for their new apartment they are getting in Carlsbad. I delivered them when I went down to Dana Point.

BAbel / Mixed Media / canvas

Jake and I have started an art prjct in his garage. Pictures soon.

Kitsunenoir

Check out the new video out from Sigur Ros

As a kid I loved playing with Legos. I have a giant box of them somewhere. This is an art project which I saw over at Wooster. Lego / Wall / Crack / Fill

counterpoint / mixed media / canvas

there is now a kickass hammock in my backyard that my grandma Estela brought from Colombia. lying down the sun comes broken / shattered through the trees. 

i am

abandoned

in every direction

like the death of my father

upon me worst still

the growing weight of growing

the culmination

of the world

i am draped atop

the beautiful

and far below i gaze

to be forever shrouded

in absolute heightinfiniteness

the giving hands of bright eyed-women

and across their lips

the shining lies

of giving

each row of plenty

is enough for slaughter

the gallons of blood

in garnished white flowers

in lue of orchids

we have slaughter

in way of wonderful

we have the terrible

often times

at the critical junction

of doing

day mind list

cyberpunk throbbing orange sun las vegas sky narrative.

removal of black through use of white and relayer with two greens and tan.

note: keep subtle flow of panels from top to bottom. keep careful regards of the 1 Line. keep depth and field while remaining without perspective.

go back to window.

dryer sound need muffling away from music / music all important device. sound 

is engulfment. 

trip in two days preparation involved walk

walk across / heat / worry / heatstroke / finish feeling / not finishing vs. future pushing into the future / accomplishment. 

balcony soon / best afternoon spot roof is hot tiles

next project

keep cool

exude 

eatlogicspit

very little things that don't say

awful kill

each wonderment cry

daytime alone of the world perched;

on the roof sippingColdstaringSun

swimming pools off the distance

swimming sky 

blank

good morning

RAin / Field / Acrylic / Canvas

com pan ion / mixed media / canvas

it hailed through my window on a may day and the large chunks melted in front of my eyes.

there was a starving still-alive pancake flat lizard next to my garbage can on the floor which 

moved in spurts and i felt very sad for its being and took it outside & placed it amongst a wet 

bush and some crumpled leaves.

wind howls at night and i like to listen.

it has become

A

wilderness

forgotten amidst BADnoise

GOODsound is treasure to be found

&the world can be so empty 

fill it

with pictures. That's my only plan. 

one with color revolution

aesthetic revival 

dynamicunderstanding

on the floor of the bookstore looking up JAPAN and ART

and apparently perspective is a western novelty &

madness is all we want / boredom

Dana Point

Going down to Dana Point either the 1st or 2nd of june and will be there until friday the 6th. So all are welcome to come if they want for the whole duration or stop on by a couple days.

icarus

icarus / canvas / mixed media

Perry and Edris have shown me this Ted / Ideas / Innovation site. Its really wonderful, full of so much amazing information.

townie talk

Townie Talk E. 7 Underground

3 Heroes come together in the dark of the night to discuss;

-Perry and Julian do a choir vocal warm up exercise that I used to do back when I was a freshman in Choir.
-The three of us intro our alter egos
-Days; Jakes been playing a lot of GTA4, Schwing, underwater mario music, coasting down the streets
-Jake's last name is Farmer
-Foreshadowing and allusion
-another summertime?
-exitlude with Rockapella!

links in red

Funny / Sweater / Onion; via Perry. via Mike. via the onion

it gave me chuckles

townie talk

Townie Talk E.6

The episode; 40's in a Mason Jar. Our heroes learn the duet and take the time to to indulge in fancies.

Show Notes:

-We intro singing the song from Once
-Perry gives us reasons to live our lives to the fullest
-the sun city garage sale / berkley swap meet / bartering
-spite
-summertime

funeral

fuNErAL / mixed media / canvas

a favorite artist

the below wall animation is amazing. BLU is fascination / surreal / waking life / enthralling / spectacu l a r / artist so Im leaving links to his webpage and blog;

BLUblog

BLU

check out his sketchbook. enjoy

brightestblindingwhite Yellow 

standing peeing my body is

dying. i feel it Now! terrible

lostInSubstanceforever forever

NoW lightning. where are you 

creeping Needing diverting diversions deferring

blindingliving Yellow 

the window pane is covered Color

enter it and like flying beAway in blanketedBeauty piercing shatter

reflected glass with biRDS alone songs singingsingsong

darkness comingBUTalready forgotten

i;m mirror in burning; enter angelhead of the universe

wINd

These photos show the process that this particular painting went through. I did a cut up using Ginsberg poetry from his volumes, 'Howl' and 'Kaddish'

wINd / paper / mixed media

Final

walk s / soon / summernights

collective chorus music

bad paranoia. real bad paranoia on all the drugs

?'are the people all coming out' but there's no people!

its wonderful anyway. with so much music in my hand

from THE IpOd....

feels like chucktaylors slapping hard on pavement.

NO failure here. Jus't to moving. that's not hard t o d o.

always girls / always thinking / girls girls girls. great girls, beautifulfunamazing ones

windnowind either, fine.

screamsofsilence of voyerindoor looker but moral thinker averter

the trees are the first sign of beauty;

then the light, the air, the em p t y n e ss (that's how its yours)

i like it, oh i like it, and whenever its perfectitsa live.

with another person another angelheadlike me who wants to drinksmoke burn / feel / stand;

the cold is Finally! gone

out electric feels. powerbox hum carhum motordrive. sound.

loudCricket. quietkicking. uptoward free air desert sky night star hum sound.

catching the night caught madness evolution like people [that night]

yellow lamplighttill dawn

why don't i just tell them i'm john mayer

Townie Talk Death in the Afternoon

Townie Talk 5

Hey, new townie talk link above. The edition where we podcast on Sundays. Sorry for the delay I had been working on the file and it crashed on me and I just now got back to reworking the whole thing. Enjoy our guest.

Show Notes: where three warriors do battle with the mind

-Prince
-jake met some people who knew some PEOPLE
-our days
-we talk about psychedelics (perry goes to another world w/ guitar)
-FIELD DAY!
-transitions
-jake's stripper story
-ocd art w/ compulsion
-whats candle in the wind?

lost in the movies / desires / cool

samuel L foreverwants to 

walk around venice beach with two

lasermade

katanas! and Large muTTon chops;

with a penchant for hunting vampireTourists from Europe,

and yelling FUCK! You! to the pigs.

sidekicked with a resurrected icarus

who's eye socketsRburning suns.

Mr. Jackson is Worlds most self-proclaimed badassery. "I am ETERNAL"

pass / time.

i am here but am not hearing

poetry on jeans

the week is already done

the movement of time

i have surfaced.
signaled by bird-noises

all-around distractions-

when its brightest

there is a chill but it is warming

as moving builds to epiphany

in front of everything

painting scribbles in the early day-

early day-

am surrounded.
sound of wind through room window

graffiti on walls

closest in the afternoon, all

to the thoughts of things, of

dodos singing sadly.

nature's navire

Paper / Mixed Media

townie talk

Townie Talk E.4

Show Notes For Episode 4 where our heroes are slowly learning the art of preparation

-We intro ourselves
-We go through our days
-Julian's mom will burn you
-Strippers / the art of manipulation and deceit
-People have 'gay' superpowers
-Difference between the end in art / books / paintings/ linear structure. Does a visual piece have an end?
-i could be a real person if i was alone...with you
-perry reads an excerpt from his past nano-writing month

painting

Tears / Paper / Mixed Media

Townie Talk

Townie Talk E.3

Show Notes for Townie Talk E.3

(Supposed to be Death in the Afternoon but didn't start until evening)

-Perry talks about his love for corn

-Impulse buying

-Strange drawings

-farting

-Perry misses 'his' original Robertos guy

-Nothing to do on a Saturday night

-Julian cleans

-running 'the mile'

-Julian doesn't know how to gamble

-love life / relationships

-poor

-drugs & colombia

-aesthetic of design

-degrees & school

-what/why want

-about perry's family

-cultural hookups

-future podcasts

-we talk about religious art. this is an opinionated discussion, in no way are we bashing religion (perry might be, haha), i'm looking at it as an aesthetic idea, people can do and like what they want.

painting

Medusa Sisters / Mixed Media / On Canvas

con sum p t ion

the bowery laughter livid living along the bread line burning brightly in front of stripes & collars passing forth the drugs.

the beast snarling early in the morning; us in cages smelling foully of contrasting suns.

empathy filling every cup, bowl & plate unable to eat with any utensil but the mouth origin of love (organ)

the guise of cleaning cages to free the people frees the substance-things inside.

crying cold salty hot angry tears melt the sidewalks exposing the earth where seeds force themselves into the ground

everything small but shrinking
us hungry but eating
them alone but meeting
music playing and dancing
revelry diminishing

donald in mathmagic land

checked youtube, there it was. one of my favorite movies as a kid

show notes down below with podcast links

Imaginations

mixed media on paper

this was what i did for my research paper in modern poetry. the day passing / the human body / cut apart / and never rendered whole / until all of it / rebuilt again / both forms essential in what we live in / what we are / only rendered whole through both artist / and viewer. now in the good hands of claudia keelan.

podcasts

perry and i have the first two episodes of Townie Talk ready.

these are the links to download. enjoy. i ll get around to posting show notes at some later period.

Townie Talk Episode 1

Show notes for podcast 1

we talk about:

the first episodes of real world briefly

the graffiti tag i made on my wall

perry is apparently dyslexic 

when we podcast our discussion becomes reality

i can't do math

planning stuff for jessica in lue of her celebration of getting into the JET program

we didn't go to our classes

the 'hyper-real'

we start talking about the Xiu Xiu show down at the Beauty Bar.

the illusion of art

how perry gets his money

song

what would people want in a podcast?

tully standup

digg 

if andy warhol made a hello kitty painting (i was wrong when i said he died by being shot, he died in his sleep like a decade later, though he was shot and did almost die)

what's a mud pie?

why we like inside jokes

cooking food / heating food

i wish i could make bread

what happens to time

UHF

the stupid things of our childhood

what happens with mirrors

Townie Talk Episode 2

Show notes for podcast 2

We talk about:

the different types of crazy

crazy

perry's week old limeade

fuck you to food / killing non living things

how we feel about bingo

free drinks at the casino

COUNT HOW MANY TIMES PERRY'S PHONE RINGS

our thoughts on adding people to the podcast

Perry hates Smart People the movie

what perry does with his day

political story

society encroaching you with bad art

pro intelligence?

the office / lost / memorable tv moment

metaphor

perry and i are working on a site called. atleastitswritten.com (we also own .info, .net) hopefully we will have something soon once the summer rolls in, in terms of a place you can go to laugh and experience thought and how we flesh out ideas and what we are doing in terms of a super post study of everything before and us reacting in a way that makes sense and is trying to give substance to a lot of things we do and see. we really like the idea of at least its written because a lot of stuff passes by that is really funny and oddly confusing but once fleshed out makes sense but usually never gets there because it retreats back into the lost-ness of the past and we move so fast that so much gets forgotten; and it is really meta in a sense that once its written its a study of that action itself so the ideas and jokes and we are talking about and addressing get addressed again in the sense of why we are even giving them the power of 'staying' (keeping them) rather then letting them just float on. 

right now we've been working on comics which perry usually draws and i color and we have some things to write about and some funny videos to make and we've been podcasting. i'll try to post what i can here in the meantime as this space is a space for anything i think is truly change and important and an encapsulation of innocence and light and beauty and then when the site is up people can go there and look at everything.

if anyone wants a podcast file i can either mail you a cd-r with some of what we have or you can drop on aim and i can send it via that. hansolo1L5 is my sn.

contact either through syndicate.corp@gmail.com or leave a comment below. 

wasteland

canvas / mixed media

perry and i do things / the crossing

these events actually happened

working on some bits / perry drawing / working / in will's garage

front

back

new painting

hunger strike diner

the thing i'd ask of the genie

wish to feed from only thought

and in that way

could live forever / in any place / however;

and need not 'thing'

just truth-where truth is everything

spawned of the soul

& the soul

truly giving

and us

now

free

the repetition of our failure & why

A want to be here?; everything around us looks like its falling apart; and the computers & televisions and games and all the things are all just ways to distract us so that nothing ever gets done and so little is made with a purity in its intent. instead we are fed but no one remembers how to grow anything anymore. eventually the systems that have been made to feed us; a ripe poison; will fall apart in their own consumption and in their deadly wake will be a mindless drone of lost individuals. individual again but with no concept of what it means to think. its not their fault but it is for those who can and don't. fear is the mind killer and everyone has gotten afraid. there is no more action in terms of movement. there is the action of the repetition of feeding but that is not action, it is something else and it is reaction upon an action from a foreign source that has only its self-interest at heart; the mode is failure. in this place we've not done what we can with our abilities and these abilities have subsequently been lost. there is a subtle maliciousness precipitating every 'thing' around us; these things were designed in a way to take rather than to give. all the things we think are beneficial, the entertainment, the food, the water, even the schools are educating to sustain and to trick and the system does this to keep itself thriving through its taking. we can feel it (we can train ourselves to feel it) but no one seems to care. and even if someone cares its not enough it has to be everyone; its hard to show anyone any of this especially when living is already difficult and especially when dying is at the end and on one (wants) to die; so the struggle becomes the quest for comfort; what a selfish quest what a disgusting thing comfort. the body and mind were meant to be wrecked and used not sheltered in a cage. i hate canaries unless i cannot see them. you all placed thought in a shuttered room and barred the door where it waits alone in a horrible darkness with the feeling of drowning. you have put it there and imagine if someone did that to you, with nothing but hope and a quiet blackness, the reason being ease and so we've jailed our greatest gift in exchange for a disgusting thing. i have felt that and its the most horrible kind of pain there is. what they say is wrong and they know it but got so stupid they can't unlock their prisoner. it would be terribly hard to find the key and it would be painful but it would be good and right. the room would be flooded with light and eventually the pain would subside. there is no such thing as truth only motion and motion in where we move. when movement is lost we fail to breathe and all the world heaves, subsides and vanishes in meaninglessness a collapse and dissipation of the worst kind.

recent

Some of the recent work i've been doing. The paintings are part of two larger overall collections. (Suburban Wilderness) and (UntitledEscape)

flirty

the cool spring air passes through a half open window with half raised blinds and the streetlight outside shines on in the black room and it is a sliver of illumination, while he lies in bed half awake and all around him is a world of halves and nothing is whole and he wishes desperately for someone to reach out and recognize creation! in the thought alone is the whole and as it passes from here to there it slowly disintegrates into a shattered pane of things; these things form the room and they color it even in darkness and that darkness is there; breathing slowly like the slow thumps of his beating heart as sleep becomes the last half and in the final seconds of its completion the entirety exists as if it were placed in front of his eyes to be acknowledged in its splendor and immensity before a second and it is gone but it was there and it is there sometimes; and we know it and cherish it and tell ourselves to document it but it is the product of the beginnings of sleep and if he were to move even an inch, if his breathing were to shift, it would escape him and he knows and knows that this is the best way because it is the only way to truly cherish it by knowing fully of its unavoidable destruction.

phresch

kickitkickitkickitkick

there is life flowing

from me

in a place that takes it

greedily

in a way that

makes my heartrace

where i sleep but

wake

tired-er

the starving me

feeding 

from

you

hiccup

spring break

Dana Point Information.

Address for whoever wants to googlemap it for directions to meet up in Dana Point at the Condo.

24242 Santa Clara 

Dana Point, CA 92629-2745

Las Marianas Development, Unit 25

call me for anything. edris and i are leaving on sunday will be there until saturday.

Color People

refrigerator art

         BMP  H8

JO   DAnC3

TSK

PX

FVN

WH4

QF

L99

Chubby Bunny

Jake and I played a game of Chubby Bunny. Do you know Chubby Bunny?

love note

no need for checking

cause life's full of repetition

just enough of a taste

to keep on seeing

i miss you.

of the spelling of Claudia keelan


the case of the C

makes the you

all the more you

and the case of the k

makes the entirety

all the less

encompassing, so that the name is yours

and not theirs

i want to sit in the sunlight all the time. the night makes me anxious. i think its the cold, the way it gets into my bones even when im wearing lots of clothes and even when its not that cold and everyone else is fine, im chilled and the night just gets to me. i hear the sounds of skateboards and they remind me of that panda bear album. i hear the sounds of children and they just go through me and out the other end, leaving me unaffected. i want to take a lot of things but i also want to leave everything well enough alone because i think im more comfortable that way and the turmoil that any other way brings is maddening to me. i live a life of leisure and its maddening but its the way suited to me. i feel like a lot of things are slipping, but they aren't and everything marches forward at the same even pace of a parade on a july day or the beating sun in august. its all ceaseless and nothing is added to it even when the illusion seems so real. the unspoken months pile up and build upon a deserted fort, inhabited by the same ceaseless ghosts of every waking moment that bobs in water and goes back and forth, tugging like tides. the movement of everyone else stirs terrible feelings inside of me, feelings that make me feel sad or lackluster, without any luminance and not even my own movement seems to swell any light inside of me; and yet i feel the great light inside of me in enough moments to remind me that i am a bright lantern yet with no room and where i light is a constant consuming darkness that seeps lovingly into every pore of my body. the feelings inside me are without cure except for every moment i step into a room that is lit by a particular part of the day and i tell myself that i want to sit in the sunlight and bright away until i am just like those floating dust particles that shimmer in the air whenever someone looks off without perspective and is surprised to find them flying freely in the air as if freedom were as simple as breath.

12 rip

Brianhead trip Jan. 4th-7th. Anyone who wants to come is more than welcome. Skiing, snowboarding and fun times.

Just give me a call or leave a message here if you want to come.

life

I saw this game Passage over at Joystiq a while ago, and Perry convinced me to play it. Give it a shot, it only takes five minutes and its well worth seeing.

Then head over here and read what it is all about after finishing it.

james franco is my favorite

Today is a fragile day.

The sun hurts my eyes.

As a few tears cascade down my cheek,

Its like glass that's shattered, now in shards and bits.

Strewn across a driveway and shining,

trying to gather warmth on a still winter morning.

Fire

Bonfire on the 29th of November. That's a thursday. Come one and all. Same spot as usual. Bring invite whoever.

when we daydream

if i came upon a dragon the first thing i would feel is fear.

a dragon is large and terrifying and i've never come across such a beast before.

with nothing but my wits,

my only recourse would be to talk to it.

if i ran it would chase me down,

if we fought i would lose.

i would like to meet a dragon,

if only because there is a chance we'd be friends.

i am still.

and the fear all around me

like a tuning fork.

i am afraid

it will eat me.

cries and shouts and breaks

every line is withering.

all the strings that held em' up,

all the thoughts.

broken and a heartbeat

i'm shaking. i think this is a storm.

I really liked this article about Bioshock and whether it is 'art'.

crushed,
and a fiery sky,
furnaces all lit
and hands reaching out.
i want to step into the fire
and turn to ashes
away from here.
i need to leave, leave, leave, leave, leave.
get lost in the fog.
sake haze, the other haze, all rolled up, with frozen cups.
stumbling down fifth.
i need something cold

in the twilight of my youth, everything is broken.

When I was traveling I would carry a notebook around with me since I didn't want to take my laptop anywhere. And I'd spend a lot of my time filling it up with all sorts of things.


In the twilight of a normal day,
I let my feet make all the decisions.
On stony roads the narrow streets,
Are metaphors of a mind,
my lost mind.

It draws castles, rivers, parrots, knights.
Colors vibrant
Daring Lights.
Forceful armies, lovers locked,
solitude,quietude,
remembrance, plot.

Everything is all inside,
And my feet sound weary,
quick in stride.

When light is gone and
i'm in the dark.
I wait for that sulfurous yellow,
For all that revelry, their shouts,
I stop for a while
have a drink.
Wish for a woman,
a friend, and think.

That iv'e never said a word,
and it all came and went.
Another day, and all those streets.
Another sleep, and all those defeats.

-Lisbon, June, 07

standing at the edge of a forest
and all the sky is steel
tears run down my wind burned face
and all the ocean is a deep stormy blue
sad that we are now isolated even more
a LaBounty in a wooden casket far away

Here in San Diego. The trip yesterday was long. I woke up and mom told me grandma had died. I looked at her in disbelief, half awake in dreams staring as the sun poured through the cracks of my window. I just decided it was too much to think about and went back to sleep. Throwing myself back down on the bed and covering every inch of me in my large blanket. I turned the air all the way up, making it cold. Cold for my feet when they touched the tile in the bathroom. While the steam poured out like a wave of fog in the city. All over until there was nothing, not even the form of my body to look at. Just the air heated up. Waking up to a fury of packing; throwing things into a bag and i talked to perry briefly. I went off on my own and we left when Edris arrived. We drove, watching Bebop while I was in the back seat staring off until we picked up Jessica and things were rightly on their way. Other than that I bought some green tea and drank rum in the hot sun on the way to San Diego. We watched The Matador and Chasing Amy. It was dark by the time we got here and I was all sunken. Greta's place is a fancy apartment high up overlooking downtown. The floor is more comfortable than the one in Oslo. I slept in a sleeping bag like the ones I slept in when I was eight. Now its morning and Edris is half using his shaver and doing push-ups while the shower is in the noise of the background. Coffee is being fetched and the Zoo is off in the horizon.

I left and there was everything I left.

will called me this afternoon. his web browser told him that he was committing computer piracy. he clicked a button and his internet was reset for him. so i guess that's cox's new initiative. that's how you know now if you have been caught.

There is a bbq on Saturday here at my house. I'm not entirely sure how effective putting the news here will be. But spread the word. And anyone is welcome. Bring something. If you have nothing, then its entirely acceptable. Either way, your winning personality is all anyone ever needs.

Oh, and I've the condo in Brianhead from the 13th of July to the 15th. Go up, come back on Sunday. So whoever wants in on that is more than welcome too.

its been some time now since i was home. it feels like i slipped back in at a moment, like stealthily getting into a room without being seen. as if class had already started but i managed to make no one notice my late entrance. seeing all my friends wells me up and i feel really good just looking at their faces and hearing everything they have to say. just sitting around a room with people. i walked a little bit, and the afternoon is wonderful. i had a moment of nostalgia for norway as jake was driving us home last night. i felt a pang at for the empty roads and the starry sky. 

it still feels like i haven't done anything. as if anything i did was just a gesture, like waving, but its impact, the striking force or whatever an impact is. no, see, right there, i was stringing together a thought but it fizzled up like fireworks so now its just failure. heh.

im working on a painting. its very different from my usual paintings. but now its sitting against my wall staring at me and i wonder when ill get back to it. or get back to anything for that matter. summer is an awesome expanse. i wish it just went off into the horizon forever. i remember tom plastering that endless summer album cover on the door of the house. i attribute that to the whole appreciation of holidays. its all symbols (holidays, that action). and symbols are important because they are a whole conversation, a whole lot of meaning in just this thing. and symbols were important to the surrealists, thought im not entirely sure. i remember reading somewhere that they intended to make things absurd and completely strange / different / out of the ordinary to reduce the complacency or just bring this sort of mysticism or imagination into life. honestly its vague but there was something about symbols in the surreleast wing of the Reina Sofia museum in Madrid. so every summer or whenever everything feels really great and everyone and all the people feel really great and everyone in my head is always smiling, always moving, i just imagine that endless summer album cover just plastered up on that there door.

like it was our religion that summer graduation senior year. there he was throwing down our commandments, and the only one was, to just live it up fully, relax and live and let it all just fall and scatter and we'd watch and be down there with all the pieces of life scattering about us and it was all forever. like we just slipped through a gap and we had found this safe place. i don't really know, or im not entirely sure but yeah, it felt good, and looking at it now its important.

so i guess im just sitting here in bed and the fans are blowing on me, nothing pressing, and i can think of endless summer and let it all be there with me. 

Went swimming last night with the desert breeze chilling me to my bones as i stepped out of jake's pool. and before, as we drove into the night from the lit up casino we passed by the whole of the city as a blur of light; like those 4th grade art projects. and all the workers seemed to be happy working, with glare and the erected construction lights casting menacing shadows along the road but we felt safe because we were still going fast in our car. i recited some thoughts and words that just came out. as if they had to be said. at that very moment i felt the great urge that everything inside of me needed to spill out so i let it, as my head was stuck out the window feeling the wonderful air.

i was up at the top of summerlin parkway just listening to music and letting all the light blur together and everything was as silent as it could be. the music itself coated all my feelings over so thickly that i didn't feel anything except awe at the orange lights. and everything past the freeway glimmered so it made me feel as the world past me, as hands moving past my body, was moving faster than i was. everything was  a movie screen that i was watching and someone had pushed fast forward so that those two arrows that signify that action were held down and they all buzzed below.

when i was finished there i gently went back to my home and there were people and everything was alive again for a moment before i closed my eyes and went to sleep.

Last night in Oslo. Tomorrow morning I wake up early in the morning, turn in my keys, drag all my luggage onto the train and ride down to Oslo Central Station. I take the bullet train to the airport and get my ticket for my flight. The sun is still up its 11 pm right now. The sky is beautiful, a spreading blue like thick ocean water with the sun all off in the distance as a point and then back in front of the eyes is a pink cap across the tall buildings and all the clouds drift by in a lit up night. I will miss the seabirds that fly by my window, and the feeling that im at the edge of everything.

Madrid and Lisbon were surreal paradises. In Madrid I spent most of my time at the Reina Sofia, art museum, camped out on benches overlooking the garden or walking through the exhibits. Dali and Picasso, hundreds of other artists. Massive works of art that set the mind on a ride through imagination and feeling. I camped out for hours in the surrealist wing watching old french movies written by Dali and directed by one of his friends. People in love, clashing society, a bull in a woman's bed, a man kicking a blind man after he escapes from the police and takes a taxi in escape. All in a dark room on solid wood benches that reminded me of my father's work as if he had been commissioned by the director of the arts himself to produce those specific benches for this specific movie room. The projector making silent humming and my books and red notebook sitting idly by the side as my hands were cupped at my chin supporting my head, i was crouched and watching intently feeling nothing of the world outside.

The whole trip was an adventure, all alone and I met many people and most of them i didn't like but either way. And i slept in rooms populated by 7 other strangers. Except in Lisbon where I had reserved a private room. When I found it to be located in a renovated mansion, where my window overlooked a plaza, the floors were wood and there was a giant double bed and nothing else, i felt at home. lying on the bed and letting the warm sea air blow across my body as the sun splashed gently on all the people and stone buildings. i found tiny bars and cafes and sat there reading and writing until i felt intrusive but never really was. ordering drinks and sweet bread, then walking up all the steep hills and watching yellow ancient rusty cable cars sliding up and down filled with gaggly eyed tourists as i walked alongside watching.

and i ate in fancy restaurants and had revelations that i told myself i would write down but never did so they slipped from me in my sleep when all my memories were being reorganized and put away. and i am missing almost all of it and only able to put a shadow down of where i was and what i experienced. of a jazz bar off in some small apartment neighborhood with children playing futbol in the park across, old men laughing and me ordering beer after beer reading in dark / light, murakami, and only in a small room with the free jazz playing loudly and the neighbors bringing in their dogs. the bartender bringing out a bowl of water, until five hours had passed and i left to go lie on my bed. until two romanian girls invited me out to go have a drink and eat tapas and we sat and talked until the late night.

all of it just a glimpse and in a year i was told i probably wont think any of it was real. but already none of it feels that way, that real, all like an image i saw in a movie or in television. everything just far like i never even touched it but i did because i still feel the sunburn and the soreness in all my body. and i can taste the freshly grilled tuna and delicious spinach boiled in cream. all the fish and pastries and juice and coffee. the beers upon beers.

now im sitting in an empty room and i forgot how big this window actually is. the tree outside that was so barren and scary, terrifying when i first arrived is now a leafy giant in slumber and here i am smiling at it until the dark comes for only ten minutes and its not really dark. just a shade of darker blue until the sun decides it never went away. then again the tree is illuminated and i cant recall how it ever scared me. tomorrow ill leave my sheets and blankets downstairs.

donate the last things i have and take all my stuff and i left my plants to be watered by any stranger that reads my note and feels a compelling reason to do so. its over and ended and now, well, i suppose i dont understand really where it leaves anything and, rather, if any of it was anything at all.

Im in a bar internet cafe somewhere in the soho district of Lisbon near my hostel. It has been a while since Ive touched a computer and Im just spending some time here. Resting my walking the streets. Lisbon is a sunny paradise filled with friendly people who dont speak much english but enjoy helping none the less. I spent about ten minutes ten minutes ago in a liquor store trying to explain to the old woman who owned it i was looking for absinthe. However, after a while we couldnt reach a common understanding and the closest i got was absinto which is absinthe without the thujone.

im not entirely sure what exactly i was going to put in here. i feels a little empty now staring at the page. so much around me, narrow streets, happy faces, hills and ocean. i suppose if youve seen the life aquatic then you have a pretty good picture of what this place looks like. i think i would live here. out of all the places ive been. its tiny, its san francisco but old. far older. i have a room to myself in an old mansion house that i rented. the floor downstairs is filled with art deco furniture and a flatscreen tv. the bottom floor is a kitchen. it leads out to the park. i leave the window open at night and the breeze is cool so even in the heat of the day its wonderful. stripping of my clothes and just lying there staring at the cieling.

i wander around the streets each day and hop into cafes drinking cold orange juice and reading and writing. im sun burnt and warm and im all strung out and tired. my clothes are worn and i feel just like them. i dont understand what it is exactly im doing except a whole bunch of nothing. regardless i think i like it. at least in a place like this. i get lost for most of the day. at night its cool and the smell of ocean mixed with the taste of cold beer is delicious. i hop into trendy bars and sit alone watching the groups of kids move in and out. my first night i wandered into a fancy place to eat, an underground crypt now renovated and was given my own private room to eat a meal of grilled fish and creme de spinache. i had a coffee and then the waitress walked out with me and pointed me off in the direction of all the bars.

i still, i dont feel like ive put anything down. or, i dont know how to put across anything ive seen or experienced from madrid to lisbon. but for now. here. i dont know.