Monday, August 29, 2011

its been a while since i posted anything. this last painting i just painted took me about a month to complete. i spent hours each day out in my backyard, painting, erasing, merging, adding more color, trying different perspectives, moving the waterfall around, implementing clouds, taking the clouds away, making the water darker, lighter, adding trees, removing trees, adding them again. this work is intended to be a signpost along the way, signifying the promise of what can exist as a mentality for summertime as well as the way things feel when you know it comes to a close; that painful realization that whatever vacation this is may be coming to an end. i wish i simply was there and that was life, not this suburban place full of strip malls and debt. i have had to paint outside because of my driving situation. my dui from july won't be settled until the end of September and because of that i have no license and this is definitely a city for drivers. asking for rides down to my studio is difficult because i have to get back home at some point and i tend to work there late so that it counts. to say that i have had a lot of time to reflect on my mistake is an understatement. both emotionally going to jail and financially what this has done to me has made me feel like i have taken way too many steps back in life instead of steps forward. but i tell myself to keep working hard and persist no matter what. i am a painting, an artist, a poet and i must keep any means i have to help keep me going in these endeavors. to give up and do something else would be a great loss to everything and everyone around me. it is hard but parts of life are always going to be hard. know that what you find you do is honest and that's what counts. the longer i stay a painter, the more i realize how honestly difficult it is; one to keep making paintings and two, to be able financially to continue making paintings while at the same time paying credit card bills, buying food, and paying for all the other expenses of life. i can only hope that as always the universe will provide for me and it will see that what i am doing is important and honest work and that it supports such energy. i have no idea if that is ever the case but my experiences have led me to have some kind of trust in these matters. no one is yet trying to take any of it away from me so that's a good thing still. so these thoughts have been here with me all the while and that has been part of why there has been such a long silence here at the sunrise room. it happens. this painting, The End of Summer, it has been all my work to me. And now it is finished it feels good to feel a finished painting. to look at it and remind myself that this is what i do no matter what, and i am a painter and pictures is what i make.
the end of summer / oil / canvas / 66 x 36 inches