sunday starboard cats

 These guys on a sunday Drinking shots, gambling, high fives and so much winning. Is that bro life? Do they slap each other around in celebration. Are they secret dads and husbands in the bar. And always slaves to the multitude of games. Bring it, bring it all on for us. YEAH. I give time, I give hope,  I give love, I give looks, Dont feel shame, Cause yeah these are probably good dudes.

message recieved

 somehow i know

youll know me,

from the crease along me,

that time the mark was made

and we both watched

as it happened.

being read by firelight

at night, in the quiet,

with shadows, with warmth,

and starlight - through a window.

somehow each of us must

be, and carry what we are.

gaze on

 I fish the stream, I gut the fish I love the ride Of her fingernails, I quote french And receive a kiss, I gather wood & fire burns.  Roast the sustain, On some charcoals, Plenty light now, Before the close.  The rest of nothing becomes whats missed, and knotted furrows depress the look.  Ivy grant me, A second cusp, Red brick memory from a backwards glance.  Hear us laughing, in the dark, so soft and pretty, in the night;  Clamorous calamity Bright armageddon. Bounty feasting, glorious and sublime.

secret secret

 there's always something hidden,

in the back or

around the corner, in a spot

darker than seeing eyes.

and it was put there

for safekeeping

away from the reality

of others.

ideas brew idea babies

and they grow as fast as time.

it is the thinking,

that without light or water

without contact

without notice

that hidden stuff cannot grow

so sadly false is this view

and yet here we linger

in this form.

message in a bottle

 we are here

on this earth

like the trees

and the sun

and the air

and our hurt,

we are live,

as we wait,

as we build, as we care,

i know this thing,

about us all, i watch the wave

tumble forth,

call out names: one by one.

collapse the hard

by being good.

Look out farther,

further in,

grant me access,

receive love.

late night confessions

 i cry at night,

seen only by the

glow,

the noise hums,

i fill with regret

like a tub, a sink,

plugged up!

baby i just want to,

flow,

like a good guy

like a true

arrow,

can i please be 

mighty like the 

sun?

 

that good romance

 theres a cool car

& an ocean breeze,

dont forget restless obsessed,

beggin beauty bout you,

dont leave...hey,hey,hey.

i needs to leave you this way,

cutest bay, little moo, tippy toes,

scrunchy nose...

flick back your hair, dont care,

its forever ago, i know your smell,

always forever crushing.

a momentary mantra for passage

 time is a measure of space,

and light is the ruler;

From within we expand,

From expansion we contract.

The truth the ebb

the reality the flow

the present tense

the fixed point from where

we measure.

 

 

agitated

 sometimes i chop stuff down

cause i feel wrong

or told that,

or tired, worn;

sometimes i break things

by mistake or not,

finally lost of fear

dangerous, dumb, done.

mostly i breathe slowly,

remember past tragedies,

carry on.

the stars above us

 i sit by the fire surrounded by desert and look:

In front of me the flames take shapes,

i feel free and settled, and they speak;

deep within my cells the history of my all my pasts unfolds slowly with the heat and outer blanket darkness, and those times tell stories like when you used to camp with friends and family.

The rocks are witness.

The craggy outlines and holes penetrate the meaning. Im left to wonder.

The stars above also consuming matter, and gravity thuds the pit another log for the flames.

As night passes the moon rise quickens and all living things attend to the heavenly transer between star and celestial body.

The fur of other beasts and plants coats the body, and at some point also sizzles and splatters, crucified / sacrificed in the name of lofty purpose. 

Depending on the adventure the desert can beckon with many diversions, pleasures, past times, or meditations.

Bold adventurers sample whatever offered.

Call your name,

So much emptiness answers.

I settle gently, still by the fire.

As it embers my eyes whisper dreamy,

thankful for the mojave.

future holds

 utah money, on the backs of dinosaurs;

destined for Los Angeles, and too old

to be a fun wag.

Best wishes greeting card

bout the bayo sandwich shoppe.

Make revenue, french press business.

Gangster Katies past the bullshit balls

INQUISITORS.

Along the coast somewhere,

a child named ocean, a digital nomad,

designs a collective consciousness

where a swath of awe inspired mammals

vibe out forever ditching their wasted copsules.

Come on,

a tendon pulled forever long

that tensions together with

the void.

radio vibe hearthrob

remind me

 

i feel like i am now,

a terrible dreamer

in the shadows of larger buildings

without soul.

i couldn't be much farther,

but they be far, and peaceful arms 

in the hands of shady diplomats, staves / olives / bars;

the side im on, i feel im all got, and we've never won.

how long to the future plan,

im not what anyone wants. but im brave. im not afraid.

courage in parts, take my hands - im thinking of you.

blowing in the wind, smiling, wild, life escaping us, 

romance and finding places in trust.

i could gather,

envisioned tangled beneath breaths.

imagined in a room, b u m contemplated 

lost control dreamed in synths of sun singing...

little ducks following footprints.   ...

lop my cleaver with an eyelash

 its the little anxieties

that manifest

over time, the shape the body

and memory

the leftover path of a worm

is our brains.

Feet rubbed over and over,

by each other. terrible seconds before 

the begining. wasted shudders

from reliving the thinking. 

Developing recombinant patterns

while we lay helplessly asleep,

like victims, like tragedies, like comedies.

We are complex jokes for simple things like stars.

we smoke, we vibe;

perilous travels the fusion in a vacumn.

Fucking snoring,

I was writing.

oh ache more

 lost are the ways we were,

losers in endless dreams,

in total sense of self we need love,

stand apart together now,

grieve the guild of broken hearts,

long in shadow growing dark,

give me something more than this,

hug me tightly like the final wish.

scenic shot

 a pot boils at the edge

Ledgley a bird watches

Meat cooking fire,

Inside the brothy turmoil

Of cold wind fights,

And a dog gnaws on corncob.

----

 

tumbling & stumbled toes on hard ground

 the arc of towels

across the sky

leaving a window

in a metaphorical escape

from this place.

defined location as wherever

exits must exist

for those who feel themselves

in the quicksand.

strategy and strategems

superstitious artifact,

suspect / evil / intent,

suspicious outcomes,

detonate! ,

how do i remove thy prescene,

from the home,

from the heart,

from the hearth

where residential existence resides.

i have tried most everywhere &

feel restless

about the cause;

long and far away are my memories of warmer times.

even without fire,

even betrayed by change,

let me feast on whatever platter

comes.

 

soulkeeper / oil / red oak / 13 x 17 inches

rum runner / new year / 2023

 Its one of those quiet nights where the waitress tells you she has an ingrown toe nail and knocks on wood. "The night isnt too busy." Theres a guy named gary eating soup in a corner and ive seen him walking around the neighborhood. Its weird to me that im a dad. I have a nearby bar i like. Theres a regulars. Oh fuck they know my name. Its comforting. We battle over the jukebox. The floors are wood and the walls are stone. Theres pool tables. I feel somehow lost and embraced. Im in the middle of the best part of a daring adventure. A corner, some ale. The buzz of humans. Come on! Come on! The hustlers are playing pool tonight. I love small communities so much easier to wrap my head around the variables. I dont care about the wins or losses it all amounts to the same ledger but what about all the heart behind every choice. Gary slurps his soup and all is right with the world. It has to be enough to get me to bed finally when its all over.

 

---

*there's a place in my phone with a running commentary of all the food pickups and moments of existence my experience(s), before being thrown back in the fray.

 

---

i walk far

when little eyes

wont close.