Sunday, March 30, 2008

the repetition of our failure & why

A want to be here?; everything around us looks like its falling apart; and the computers & televisions and games and all the things are all just ways to distract us so that nothing ever gets done and so little is made with a purity in its intent. instead we are fed but no one remembers how to grow anything anymore. eventually the systems that have been made to feed us; a ripe poison; will fall apart in their own consumption and in their deadly wake will be a mindless drone of lost individuals. individual again but with no concept of what it means to think. its not their fault but it is for those who can and don't. fear is the mind killer and everyone has gotten afraid. there is no more action in terms of movement. there is the action of the repetition of feeding but that is not action, it is something else and it is reaction upon an action from a foreign source that has only its self-interest at heart; the mode is failure. in this place we've not done what we can with our abilities and these abilities have subsequently been lost. there is a subtle maliciousness precipitating every 'thing' around us; these things were designed in a way to take rather than to give. all the things we think are beneficial, the entertainment, the food, the water, even the schools are educating to sustain and to trick and the system does this to keep itself thriving through its taking. we can feel it (we can train ourselves to feel it) but no one seems to care. and even if someone cares its not enough it has to be everyone; its hard to show anyone any of this especially when living is already difficult and especially when dying is at the end and on one (wants) to die; so the struggle becomes the quest for comfort; what a selfish quest what a disgusting thing comfort. the body and mind were meant to be wrecked and used not sheltered in a cage. i hate canaries unless i cannot see them. you all placed thought in a shuttered room and barred the door where it waits alone in a horrible darkness with the feeling of drowning. you have put it there and imagine if someone did that to you, with nothing but hope and a quiet blackness, the reason being ease and so we've jailed our greatest gift in exchange for a disgusting thing. i have felt that and its the most horrible kind of pain there is. what they say is wrong and they know it but got so stupid they can't unlock their prisoner. it would be terribly hard to find the key and it would be painful but it would be good and right. the room would be flooded with light and eventually the pain would subside. there is no such thing as truth only motion and motion in where we move. when movement is lost we fail to breathe and all the world heaves, subsides and vanishes in meaninglessness a collapse and dissipation of the worst kind.


Some of the recent work i've been doing. The paintings are part of two larger overall collections. (Suburban Wilderness) and (UntitledEscape)

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Friday, March 28, 2008

the cool spring air passes through a half open window with half raised blinds and the streetlight outside shines on in the black room and it is a sliver of illumination, while he lies in bed half awake and all around him is a world of halves and nothing is whole and he wishes desperately for someone to reach out and recognize creation! in the thought alone is the whole and as it passes from here to there it slowly disintegrates into a shattered pane of things; these things form the room and they color it even in darkness and that darkness is there; breathing slowly like the slow thumps of his beating heart as sleep becomes the last half and in the final seconds of its completion the entirety exists as if it were placed in front of his eyes to be acknowledged in its splendor and immensity before a second and it is gone but it was there and it is there sometimes; and we know it and cherish it and tell ourselves to document it but it is the product of the beginnings of sleep and if he were to move even an inch, if his breathing were to shift, it would escape him and he knows and knows that this is the best way because it is the only way to truly cherish it by knowing fully of its unavoidable destruction.

Monday, March 24, 2008



there is life flowing
from me
in a place that takes it
in a way that
makes my heartrace

where i sleep but
the starving me


Friday, March 14, 2008

spring break

Dana Point Information.

Address for whoever wants to googlemap it for directions to meet up in Dana Point at the Condo.

24242 Santa Clara 
Dana Point, CA 92629-2745

Las Marianas Development, Unit 25

call me for anything. edris and i are leaving on sunday will be there until saturday.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Color People

refrigerator art

         BMP  H8
JO   DAnC3

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Chubby Bunny

Jake and I played a game of Chubby Bunny. Do you know Chubby Bunny?

Saturday, March 01, 2008

love note

no need for checking

cause life's full of repetition

just enough of a taste

to keep on seeing

i miss you.