laughter and pain

repeat

waking to find 

something better

beyond

what's here is good,

out there is more

out where?

waking to petroglyphs

to falling snow

to regret the stab of death to what you want and love;

to the bank teller and her black dress

& her smile on her face

to her looking at me

to wondering what she knows,

and if she wants a kiss

on her cheek;

if she wants to.

lost in clear weather

to the fake joy of a pill

my body shakes and smiles

to lies.

little joy without

joy's bad pill

after a rescue party finds us

starving

the bleeding arm of release

the catastrophe

of a sharpened switchblade

cauterized eyelid

of bad food and being drunk,

without a sponge

for the sadness,

there's only sinking deeper

until you shatter glass

on the table.

a kid with an Iron

threatens A life,

to digest the reality

of pain-needing to strike it out of the heart

with force,

losing teachers in your years

to more teachers,

then waking up

alone

without a guide,

to teach yourself.

A wolf in the road

Lapping up rabbit blood;

to the flow

of falling sand

in an hourglass

tomorrow turning it over

again,

broken 

but it keeps coming back

wishing for summer on the river

under willow trees & songbirds

and dragonflies darting along the water

splashing silver in the air-

beckoning

from over the way,

to the stranger

who is what my friend wants me

to kill,

because she is beautiful

& beauty is powerful

& the powerless,

wish nothing more

than for things to be

fair.

sunlight dies too quickly in

the winter.