the only way / oil / wood board / 24 x 12 inches

you are everything you've ever been through
an amalgamation of the universe
processed in a unique way
by yourself,
that makes your situation
a labyrinth
for anyone to explore
and that makes us
maze
wanderers.

today i tried to paint and couldn't. its not that i never will again, just today was one of those days where i simply wasn't going to create anything. i had lunch with catherine, went back to the house, picked up my stuff and drove down to the studio. i was tired it was midafternoon, there hadn't been much sun any of the day and all i can distinctly remember is the way the clouds looked like they were about to rain in any minute. the traffic was fine, unmemorable, there was only one car parked out front, the sign says that its two hour parking until six, its three when i arrive if i park here i would theoretically have to move it at five but it seems close enough to the shut off point that i risk it and know that before it has never been towed. the tattoo shop has a note on it explaining that one of the proprietors is out for the moment but will be back shortly. i walk down the hall and always notice the terrible creaking that goes on as you walk. no one else is here it seems everything is quiet i slip my key in and notice before stepping into my studio that there is a towel on the floor of the bathroom now. i cannot paint. i look around the room, flip all the switches and i don't feel the normal feeling that wells up inside of me as i start to hypothesize how i am going to work. nothing comes up i start to notice how cold i am and i sit down and stare some more. i take out a book and start to read some pages. i am tired so i pull out a cooler i have to keep things cool and half sitting half laying in a recliner with my legs on the cooler i try to sleep. after about ten minutes of that with my eyes closed half listening to some music i can't stand it anymore and i get up. i am agonized at how tired i am how much of a failure i feel that i can't bring myself to work and how i wish i just had a bed to collapse in. i look at all the paintings and over analyze each one. i cant understand them. they don't make any sense right now i consider never touching them or destroying them as solutions. i eventually decide not to do anything and lie down on the ground with the cushion of the recliner as the pillow. i sleep in-between the cooler and the foot of the recliner because it makes me feel enclosed and since i don't have a blanket this provides a psychological illusion of warmth. i manage to sleep for about an hour and a half with some interruptions. phone call, the sounds of feet moving along the creaky floor. a neighbor artist arriving to his studio, the sound of the unbolting of his large steel door. he has music playing very loud which i don't mind because it becomes its own kind of warming drone, another distraction to how cold i am. i keep sleeping, sometimes the music is loud and then it becomes low, almost silent and there are hums and hims out making me interested and alive. once six o clock rolls around i sit back in the chair and close my eyes some more. i think about just leaving. i think about how at this point my ideas about getting coffee and really getting into the work losing myself in the work aren't going to happen. i know im exhausted and whatever love i have for this is lost because of how tired i am. i can't do it so i pack up my stuff, feel relieved that i dont have to clean all my brushes and recap paint bottles. i just turn the lights out, lock the door and walk out to a clean sky and the prospect of my car and everything that lay at home.

always unwinding
always venting
the remainder of known existence
is these
things.

life expects
a future to come
away from
standing in
water below freezing

vision quest / oil / canvas

a forgiving pitch / oil / wood board / 24 x 12 inches

OM / oil / canvas, kozo paper / 32 x 37 inches

amongst the countryside / oil, acrylic / canvas, kozo paper / 32 x 42 inches

mean cold bastard
without anyone
its cold out here
especially in the wind
don't understand why the world's turning
but i know that
i have to get out
of the cold.

Under a Sunday sky
The roaming horror
Of time in your bones
All over your body
With whatever tools
To call upon
A fighting chance.

cats crawling up the rooftops
from bottom to top
with sporadic lines
of gray and black
and the image of afternoon sun
with shadows in between.

the monster under the water / oil, acrylic / canvas / 39 x 18 inches

vein of the storm / oil, acrylic / canvas / 42 x 27.5 inches

the brain
the mind
the involuntary
shout
we arrive from
the dark
shining with A
care.

the world remains
the sea and the shore
the river and the road
the sky and cement
made a place like this
full of living shapes.

stomping ground / oil, acrylic / canvas / 45 x 23 inches

party spot / oil / wood board / 24 x 12 inches

at night

i run along the street

with an empty bottle

in my hand

i hear the sounds of

ghosts around me.

k

good

perfect

i saw a little

animal

come out my throat

this tree keeps

hanging lower

were getting

closer to the earth.

castle fortress *paradise / oil, acrylic, pastel / canvas / 54 x 49 inches

this is actually a painting from 08 and it was hanging in Dana Point loose without stretcher bars but the tenant who was living in there crumpled it up and left it behind the water heater. my mom and brian brought it back and there wasn't much damage except for all the wrinkles so i stretched it and brought it back to life.

its been a while now since i've posted any art and i've always tried no matter what to be somewhat consistent in my work habits so that i have something usually ready to show. however with my studio moving from my room to a larger workspace downtown i've had to clean pack and move three years worth of supplies and work and its taken some time with my little car. also since the middle of august i've been working almost everyday on something related to my computer business as well as a bevy of parties and small travels. i have not been lax just swamped with little time and painting takes stretches of time of not being interrupted to work and get the right motivation and thoughts moving. things seem to be quieting down lately so hopefully within the next couple of weeks ill be back in the swing of painting. it pains me that i haven't been painting but lots has been churning in my mind while my hands have been busy with other things. i am always working in my mind. soon to have work up again.

nobody knows
the facts
which makes things dire
dear, slowly cruisin down
the road, nobody sees
my lights,
And like a ghost I pass
through life,
you can't forgive that
you can try & find the
Edge,
opening your eyes wide
to how it moves,
its love when you see it
and fills your blood with
light.

i have been looking for a studio for considerable time and i have finally found one. i have been signing lease papers and moving stuff and also traveling so there has been a lack of posts here lately. that should all change within a couple of weeks when im moved in and working steadily at my paintings again. my studio is located near Dino's bar, on Commerce and Wyoming. Its called Commerce Street Studios and the building is occupied by various artists and a tattoo parlor called Naked City. I also think Place gallery has moved shop into the building too. i've got about 500 square feet all to myself and im excited to start working in there. also ill be showing art at First Fridays now in my building, so if you are ever around you should come check it out. i promise to always have free booze on First Fridays.

friendly traveler / oil / canvas / 23 x 33 inches

waiting station / acrylic, oil / canvas / 50 x 54 inches

the world alive / oil / canvas / 23 x 22 inches

portal / oil, acrylic / canvas / 41 x 41 inches

the bar is full of wild animals
looking for a place to run
when the glass is empty
a black wolf takes its prey
and the nighttime
lays waste
to everyone.

ive been looking everywhere for you / oil, acrylic / canvas / 15 x 19 inches

daydream / acrylic, oil / canvas / 44 x 45 inches

japanese fans / oil, ash / canvas / 42 x 45 inches

looking back
and
looking forward
in the middle
i am aware.

where am i always going with the art. sometimes i get so tired of the aesthetics
of what i am working on and i get all angry and then i destroy it and a bunch of
other pieces similar to it. sometimes i go throughout my house on these great purges, i pick paintings out and drag them upstairs to my room where i cover them in a color, usually white or blue. so thats why a lot of the paintings end up having these intricate textured bases underneath the color because they've been painted over multiple times. it is also good because when im not in the mood to stretch out some canvas i still have surface to work on.

i have some money to buy more paint from working yesterday. it gets really expensive to do big pieces in oil i use so much paint and im constantly running out of white and yellow. i've been trying to work as honestly as i can, it gets hard when you've been doing something for a while and you know you can do things and get away with them but by doing that you won't progress further so the more experienced you get the harder it gets to push yourself; so i go through these days of thought just thinking and looking and working and reworking the image and the layers and i think im so consumed in work that a part of me has now just become lost in it and as long as im in love with painting there is a part of me now absent from the regular forms of life, a part of the mind interested in the pure conception of this work i love. it is there and it is usually tackling something. im not even sure. its been a while since i conceptualized in this way about my endeavor and i thought it would help make some things clear. what is my greatest concern about having a complete work. is it how honest it feels. well that's important because i can't bear to have an aesthetic that feels contrived or co opted or there in my face and i know deep down in my heart i do not like it. which is very difficult because often times one can make something and it feels like it took a lot of work and well you don't just want to abandon all that work. but i have learned that that work never was done in vain and that the work will never go away so use your honest judgment without involvement cause it will be done and thats how something can last and be important in how it works.

i really love to paint. each and every time i have taken a short break from painting maybe a week at tops, and then return when i am working again there is something.

on the mend

cant shake the
empty pain in my
head, don't try
to make things pass,
just let the memories
of your life
strike you.

on the mend / oil / canvas / 29.5 x 40 inches

i took a memory
to the roof
felt my body
escape;
the clamor of life around me
the harsh reality
upon another man.

my great beyond / oil, acrylic / canvas / 38 x 44.5

wasted parts / oil, acrylic / canvas / 33 x 33 inches

i know the feeling
of noise around me
and the quiet silence
rings with music
glaring omission
of the cacophony of the universe.

started playing dragon age. my work schedule might go to shit until im through with it.

the prize / oil, india ink, acrylic / canvas / 36 x 36

way of the traveler / oil pastel, acrylic, india ink, oil / papyrus / 25 x 35 inches

now, here, alone at dusk
with only the fading of work
And the approaching dark,
my heart turns to love
& fills with it

there would be nothing
more perfect and affecting
than this

and i will be wrung,
to a point of joy

it is I
and it is happiness,

Lonliness is like
the loyal friend,
A shapeless form
that knows the nature
of your heart,
without having to
know.

the sunrise room / oil / canvas / 68 x 41 inches

amongst friends
and every voice
but your own
is heard,
the nature of a decision
cannot be known
unless you know
that you are forever alone.

blackout summer / oil / canvas / 55 x 24 inches

with every dying breath / oil / canvas / 27 x 29 inches

outlaw / oil, oil pastel / canvas / 40 x 35 inches

typewriter / acrylic, oil / canvas / 44 x 43 inches

codex / oil / wood board / 24 x 12 inches

shake the creature out
the honest
like a shining bauble
it pierces
a lover's heart
and breaks to pieces
shattered by mistrust.

your soul and mine

caught a self
put on a shelf
to mature like drink in oak,
had a sip
in the future quick,
and now im running
wild,
i never knew
how young i was
until i tasted
memory,
the silence that
lies around us
lets us be
the thing inside us.

the cry within / oil, acrylic / canvas / 33 x 33 inches

back from sf. wonderful time. work soon

passage / oil / canvas triptych / 35 x 50 each panel (approx. 109 inches long)

summer sun
oaths and furloughs
through the land of fun
pie, cake, and beer
we've made a house
and inhabited it with us
so now we sleep like quiet children
and wake with tender eyes.

you and me
we're like a thing of beauty
lost in a sea of rye
upon a hillside
we smile
tying knots
and making friendship.

the sea inside / oil, pink lipstick / canvas / 16 x 21 inches

leaves of grass / oil / canvas / 35 x 35 inches

there is more here than the smoke and smiles
a twisting shadow on the wall
pinched and reminiscent
like a wounded beast
we drink until were laughing
and bought in dollars
is all this company.

"works of art are of an infinite loneliness and with nothing so little to be reached as with criticism. only love can grasp and hold and be just toward them."

waterfalls / oil / canvas / 62.5 x 50 inches

the hallows / oil / canvas / 36 x 36 inches

this is where we'll lay in the sun / oil, acrylic, almond flowers / canvas / 48 x 52 inches

crib / oil, acrylic, india ink / canvas / 48 x 62.5

whispers of the muse / oil, acrylic / canvas / 50.5 x 54.5 inches

growth of the soil / oil, india ink / canvas / 15 x 18 inches

by starlight / oil, india ink / canvas / 19 x 15 inches

a traveling view / oil / canvas / 10 x 13 inches

there is a doormat and a welcome house
and this is the hope
of the night,

that i am there with you in the moonlight
and we are bathing in its glow
our bodies each like that crescent moon
so that when we lay together
we fit
as if we were whole.

undiscovered country / oil / canvas / 46 x 51 inches

the cruelness fades,
it leaves a road of waste.
the part of you that is now alone
without cruelness anymore
has become entreated,
to trace the source.
but you are now more alone than ever,
and that's the lesson to be learned.

dark was the night / oil / wood board / 48 x 24 inches

i made a japanese kite;
out of soft paper, painted colors, string, sticks and care,
i flew it during the hurricane
and watched it tear.

where i go when i lay my head next to you / oil / canvas / 12 x 13 inches

A Moment's Time

i wind my way through this
as if taken by a storm,
i carry what i make with me,
that is why i was born,
my wake is like a black dove
and my imagination is like a blinding light
pray for me you others
so that things will be alright.

djinn / oil / canvas / 50 x 62 inches

the entrance / oil / canvas / 24 x 30 inches

sometimes its all you can do but plead with the gods
and know it goes unanswered, in a forgotten space
crazy magic hour
our love goes on dying.

i want a house where the kitchen has
windows that open up to the East,
and a skylight
and on the granite countertops rest
lemon trees, resplendent with hanging yellow citrus
ripe and smelly.

the american west / oil / canvas / 47 x 57 inches

the wild from where we came / oil, acrylic / canvas / 48 x 61 inches

i get drunk off them
i get paralyzed
half stupor
i get lost in 'em
and broken and born
like a movie in a room on repeat
i get taken far and away
in them
and haven't had a moments rest
with them,
without them i'd have no feeling
and no way of seeing all the meaning
i get destroyed by their beauty
and sometimes i am utterly serene
with them

these thoughts.

ceremony / oil, acrylic / canvas / 23 x 27 inches

my love feels like a blood red sunset
& I am covered in feathers,
the part of me that is knowing,
how deeply affected anyone,
can be,
the sea is like an infinite wisdom
sparingly is the infinity gleamed,
why some sunsets are finished quickly
& some are forever fires in the sky
I know mine to be blood red
& I like it
A pulsating form in front of your eyes,
with privilege comes rebellion,
and my love gives me all the liberty
I need.

back from san francisco. dealing with lots of computer stuff. will have work up when ive taken care of all that.

sometimes i dont even have a reason. its just this feeling i get that i guess someone who has a car they just like to drive, or a book they just read through the pages of over and over again, or like when you just like the thing for what it is so sometimes it doesnt need a purpose for its use. sometimes i just like to click the computer screen, open programs that don't need opening, click the start button and watch the menu pull out. and itll be different for every computer, each one has its own unique rhythm which is created by the different users of the machine itself. working through a person's computer shows you innate details of their way of being, and something ive realized working on them is ive incorporated myself into every machine ive touched. inherently i take the machine with my hand and i began to change it for everything i do, and then i leave, and the machine is new and different. i like how if ive run a machine through its pases, and i come back to it in the distant future, i will have known that i have touched it. sometimes i just click and click and click and its not to open something but im establishing the feedback of how long the computer takes to respond to each click; by doing that i know the speed of the machine, at how its actually calculating and not based solely on its hardware specifications. this allows me to understand the most critical tasks first, what i must establish within the system so it becomes more fluid and without stalling. it is sad when you realize that the personality of the machine is fine but that the hardware inside is dying. it is happy when new parts come together and breathe fresh air into the machine's paces. i learn to know how it acts. the problem if there is one isn't that its wrong for it to be doing that but by wanting to understanding why that behavior is taking place. sometimes there is no reason, but i just want to feel the way it moves like if i wanted to take a bicycle out and pump my legs and feel the air and then go down the hill and ride and ride and ride.

there is no price
you can claim
on what it is for someone to love you so deeply
they'd do anything,
there is no aesthetic or motion
so powerful, so sublime and powerful
as the love of someone for you
the way it courses through someones veins
as it strikes the heart
at every aching second
no way
is there anything that merges us like
colors,
imagine the diver at the very top
who splashes against the water
and see the way a child plays with nothing
the unspeakable is upon us
and it is love
in a glory.

a sunny day / oil, acrylic / canvas / 48 x 60 inches