chapter something, i, ii, iii

 everything around the house ready for sleep. this is the calm of the storm. i made it

another day down while also worrying too much about the end of days. the end of time.

i do not just want to see it all as just another day down. i do not think it is that, but simply

the idea that i do not have to do anything else now. but breathe. i could write a list

of everything i've done from yesterday to now. something about making lunches, doing homework

getting through every road and way and direction to every spot i needed to be. teaching (that could

be a whole other thing that requires sometimes the drinking and writing) and each task

and problem along the way solved. to reach that day down check mark. its doable. it happens.

i've watched the various instruments we interact with report various numbers that indicate 

some kind of statistic, dollar spent, or moment counted. it all happened to here. to the 

kind of lighting a house knows right before its fully shut off, right before. thinking,

hey, i can order a coffee right before i have to be somewhere, and watching the

clock just keep ticking; i messed up, i messed up, that could / can / like a moldy smell

problem that you don't even know where to start with starts. but its night still.

don't let our minds runaway from us. the kitchen still bright;

it is possible that a final snack could be required. some last dish stored from sink to dishwasher,

or not, depends on the dish and type. what about the floor. on a day like this, weeks of tired,

do i even bother with the Sisyphean task of cleaning the floor. almost nobody even home the 

entire day, so its still pretty clean right? right?.

when the wind stops, when the night is the sounds of cars moving almost ethereal in the dark only lit

by momentary flashes of street lights; i summon the tranquil nature of a brilliantly beautiful part

of my core i can run so fast to, so utterly peaceful and open. like eyes squinted in ever present

wonder. the outline of all the plants in darkness its a silhouette. same as the sleepers, and all the furniture

once those lights do shut. you always wonder, did i do right? was it a day well spent? am on the right 

track. what moments of glory do we strive for to not even wonder. to know we are the hero and

we were truth incarnate. we choose wisely, not poorly. what dreams we have as winners winning.

do not eat late at night. it will ruin everything tomorrow.

good night amigos,

julian