will be going to dana point later this week once i have some work squared away. open party time for whoever wants.

because knowing alone / acrylic, oil, collage / paper / 36 x 32.5 inches

oasis / oil / canvas / 13 x 10.5 inches

dear

i had this dream and i know you hate it when i start talking to you about my dreams but this one was important because it was about my birthday, and in it a woman who i find very attractive sat me down at a table and i was bleeding a little from one arm because i had a dual with bob saget over a letter i wrote where the punchline was in the beginning and it said dear wife who i love, i dont fuck you the way i fuck my whores; what i do isnt what we do. he got mad and his wife left him by making the house fly away so he fought me with swords and he lost. but the woman told me that what i was doing was being consumed by something that shouldnt be consuming me. now in the dream it wasn't so vague and it was actually rather clear that she meant i should be looking towards new horizons.

the grass outside has taken hold durning the waning month of august as i read somewhere that watering it once a week for an extended period of time saturates the roots with water and allows them to grow deeper and healthier. the last time i smiled was outside of the hamburger stand making jokes with a close friend and we looked off to the sky to witness the weather.

usually the need for not being as clear as possible with words, using words to drape themselves over the truth in a way that makes the truth possible but difficult, which means there are enough clues to start asking questions but its hard to infer because it could be more than one thing and those things could be all important so one doesnt want to infer but is spurred to ask more questions; but what i was getting at is that i wish i stopped caring so much about controlling the influence i can have over people and decided to stop draping words over what is really going on so that it simply exists. sometimes i do it when it is very deep and personal and is only an inward condition, then there will be a moment where it will all be laid bare and the meaning is clear.

the next part is deeply personal. i have almost become fully acclimated with my profession because now i have less pangs about doing and become more and more clear as to the process of my mind and how it likes to create. however that doesnt mean i am any better off in my mind about what i am doing. ive got these manilla folders full of white paper written on front to back about how to go about thinking and sorting thoughts and approaching people and getting what you want and using power and influence (charm) to achieve those things, what morals are, how morals can be structured, they talk about making decisions, and continue to everything else i think anyway; its been a long time since i looked at any of that but thats how i would spend a lot of my time in classes just waiting until the time was up and i moved on to the next class and more writing.

outside it must be getting hot and the dog will be wanting in. ill have to adjust the air conditioner so that it doesnt blow as much during the day; since its just me and 75 degrees is a strain on the energy consumption. i think our bill last month was 300 dollars with two people living in a house. when i am here in a place so comfortable i have a hard time enjoying the unknown as that can be a wonderful and worthwhile part of life. the idea that the next day is unknown and what it can bring could be anything is worth more than gold. maybe thats the crutch with money is that it can bring about routine so easy, however it can be said that money can help foster the unknown. i just like those times when everything is new and exciting and all the world is there. here, now, i feel more like i am waiting than as if i am living. and that is no way to live.

sincerely

jungle artifact / oil / canvas / 18 x 24 inches

so Josh and I are going to NYC to attend the CMJ festival this year Oct. 20-24 and I'll be leaving the 19th and coming back the 26th. Roundtrip tickets are super cheap we paid 239 total, direct flight. I also just picked up a What.cd account and will be trying to build my goodwill with them to get some invites. more work coming soon.

my gallery is closing. friday is the last reception and ill go get my art on saturday.

i dont know what to tell myself to make anything better. i like going to the movies alone. its always a spur of the moment thing. something will shake me or just mess me up in my head and i need a way to escape so i check the listings on fandango real quick and pick something i want to see. i bring some whiskey with me in a flask and buy a matinee ticket. i usually always try and go to the suncoast because its older than most of the places up in summerlin and it lets me avoid the red rock casino which sucks and is always packed and full of teenagers from palo verde and i just hate the vibes there. the suncoast is old and smelly and low key and the only people inside are all the retirees from sun city. so i get my ticket, walk awkwardly up to the ticket taker cause there is a bulge in my pants from the hidden flask. the guy is either disabled or mentally handicap and once he tears my stub i walk through. if i go to the left when i enter the actual theater room i go to the right because i think most people will stick to the left since they were conditioned in the beginning to go to the left and then vice versa if i am going to the right. i sit down far up high where no one is usually sitting and i watch the movie. since i am alone i am never thinking about anyone else or worrying about what they might be thinking or thinking about what i might have to do or considering anything outside of myself because i dont have to since no one is there and then its just media coma and a kind of static bliss watching the screen and the movies are usually pretty good and i sip a little here and there and when its over i think for a minute, duck out, walk quick to my car, drive the couple of minutes back to my house since the suncoast is right down the street and i usually get to painting. sets me pretty okay most of the time.

ward / acrylic, oil / canvas / 24 x 36 inches

So Perry has done Restaurant Week before here in Vegas and he said it was awesome, anyway its coming up again and the website below has the menus and prices for all the places that are doing it. Seems pretty legit. It goes August 31 - September 6

Link

watering / acrylic / canvas diptych / 19 x 20 inches each panel

everything has been replaced by a blank numbness inside. i think its what not caring means. staring out on the veranda watching the heat roll, nothing inside of me stirs as if my feelings have decided to hibernate. there are no words for me to travel with in my mind and there is a lackadaisical sense of motion about going anywhere with anything. the desk sits with dust, the clocks all rest at hours i find terrifying or surprising. hearing the sound of wind is just as pleasurable as a movie or a beer. the just of the universe, its chaos, my gain seems dumb as all gain-and i ask myself why i feel like this and i dont care to decide that either. talking to myself eventuates into a series of small murmurs, drones, half mutters and then back to silence and staring at the world. pleasure from looking is something i like very much.