notes on survival

sometimes i close my eyes and i'm expecting there to be some thought, some feeling cause i'm alive and so i expect it, but sometimes all that's there is this great big nothing; its black filled with black outside space with red / yellow fuzzy lines making two ovals and it is just there and i don't know what to do about it because it isn't how i think things are supposed to be. so what then. it makes my stomach drop and an overall hum to my brain. the absoluteness of it is what's scary, imagining that always to be the case. escape is what we're all moving towards, from that & whatever it is.

there's something about the men in this family and their intense desire to go to the sea. one day they get something flipped in their heads and they find their fastest way there - and off. but you can console yourself that most likely they'll be coming back. homecoming. such a beautiful compound word.