i keep meaning to write this about loss, and understanding loss, and my personality having experienced a great loss, and it happening at a time when there is an innocence to yourself so that when something profound happens to you, you experience it in this way, like this falling feeling and then it stops and there is a pit around you and it has nothing in it. my mind looks at the feeling as if it were remote and dark but its right there in your heart. and that feeling becomes an unavoidable thing, there is no leaving it and if it was gone it would reshape the entirety of your self. a new thing. my chest hurts a little thinking about this sense. sometimes i won't look at a person because thats how little i want to be incorporated with them because i know that deep loss. like its a privilege to truly know a person in an honest way and it is because you are both taking a little bit of each other and that person can leave at any minute and be gone forever. i like when people honestly talk about the reasons for why they do things because it allows one the opportunity to witness life in a varied way.