Sunday, May 20, 2007

free write

we have to get out. we got to be free. and running forever isn't going to take anyone anywhere so pick up your hands and move them like they will fold all the universe together to fit into your pocket. once the time is right and the space and songs all fill the whole void that we made scooping everything out then the sounds will engulf everything we are and thoughts will be dancing notes.

all the colors will be one color and there will be so much pain and hurt that tears will flood our lives until no one can breathe and we have all drowned. did we ever want to drown? no, but no one ever fucking cared so we just did and thats the lot of it. no one ever wants to die, but they do. and everyone let it happen over and over again until we all got so numb about it that it became life.

but there was a point in that long line that everyone is walking when it didn't happen and we were gods and we sat on rocks and looked below at the canyons and ants that populated a barren earth. what will happen to all those ants?

don't really know. but i know i am going to dance until i die and when i die someone is going to dance circles around my dead body and then people will be off in a party kissing and they will be beautiful with green and blue eyes and the swell of attraction all over their hips and legs tangled together. they will kiss over and over again until one of them throws the other on the bed and she pulls off his shirt and he pulls off all her clothes and kisses her breasts and licks her nipples until she moans and then he is inside of her after she removed his pants.

they have sex in the room with the loud beats of bass and they know death is creeping up behind them, watching with a smile on his face and he has headphones on because even death has an ipod.

when they finish it is all over and no one is watching so he falls asleep and she stays awake with her eyes half open waiting for sure until he is asleep and she slips her clothes back on and out back there she is so gorgeous and she is tan and her skin is smooth. she is ripe from the sex and her body is defiant and asks for more until over and over again every male in the room is asleep and she locks the door from the outside and sets fire to the house and that was how she killed man and they all burned to a crisp asleep knowing they slept with the most beautiful girl at the party.

'my god the drone is so much!' why can't it overtake me so that i will cry or feel something. why have i gotten so numb and restless? where did all the feeling go? why so much anticipation for the future when there is nothing tomorrow and nothing the day after. over and over again i look forward to the drugs. in my head they halt time. or at least make it slow enough that i don't even worry.

maybe if i took enough drugs all at once things would become frozen and i would be livid and colorful tasting the deserts until the drugs wear, were off. i have to do it over again. i have to face that wolf and his fangs and i have to face the god that is a woman who burned all those men alive.

she will want to fuck me and i will want to fuck her. and i will stick my tongue in her ear and she will moan and writhe and want more. 'give me fucking more!' she yells out and i stick my penis inside her and in seconds she is moving so quickly she comes and cant control anything. then she melts all around me and her face just becomes nothing and then she is covering me. i absorb what she melted into and now i am two people and can't control my thoughts.

i go crazy with so much droning music, all the sounds. why did everyone drown? why didn't we do anything about anything? why did gerard walk a lobster on a blue leash through the gardens. why did he hang himself. why didn't i hang myself sooner. why didn't someone invent the gun when they invented fire. maybe we would have killed each other off much sooner.

so i die by gouging my eyes and ears out with my four arms and all the sights and sounds around me stop at once and for the brief moment i feel peace until i collapse to the ground and everything is quiet before i die.

thank god there was just one moment of blindness and silence all at once. because it let me see and hear all the things i really wanted.

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